Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
