Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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