pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
