Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
