i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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