your thong is hanging out like whoa
if only i could text you this smell
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
