Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize