I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
