I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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