I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
