Pregnant stripper...not hot.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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