wakey wakey hands off snakey
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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