4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
