Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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