i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
