this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize