I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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