You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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