Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
