If i come over, it means nothing
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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