Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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