dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
