Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
