3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
