He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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