so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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