I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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