Your tits are I can't wait for
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
