I think I died a long time ago.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
