I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
