That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
