get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
