I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Do vagina's smell?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize