the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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