All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
