Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
