FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
