don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I checked into jail on foursquare
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
