grandma shit on top of the toilet
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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