We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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