My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
