ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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