Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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