You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize