Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
