I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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