If i come over, it means nothing
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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