She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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