She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
