Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize