i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
