Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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