I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
