So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
