I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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