My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
