i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize