tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
