actually, I'm a sock model
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
