Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
