smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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