Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
