hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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