Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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