I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
