there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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