Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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