my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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