I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
